


Your Rose, My Sunflower

by milkydors



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-04 02:07:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12760926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkydors/pseuds/milkydors
Summary: Sometimes, you just have to look around you.





	Your Rose, My Sunflower

『Like the sunflower that is drawn to the radiance of the sun, I am drawn to the warmth of you.』

❀❀❀

You were the centre of the universe. I was your sunflower that could only observe you from afar. Our paths seemingly would never cross each other, but my eyes could not leave your figure as you walked past the school gate every morning. I would often curse you for being so beautiful, a beauty so dazzling my whole being was being violently consumed by your mere presence, and gradually, I withered while your glimmer that I came to hate and adore never left you.

I was never interested in the life of another. It had always been my piano and me, my music sheets and the scribbling of my pencil. And it should stay that way. It was better to not develop any attachment than to have it ruined later, and all that left would be regrets and despair. Or worse yet, emptiness. There would be no disappointment if there was no hope in the first place.

And so I kept climbing upwards. Each step I took, I rid myself of what little emotions remained in me. I walked away from everyone, from my "self". I had been alone ever since my family discovered my musical talent. I became their trophy child, only to be admired and applauded from a distance. I achieved what others would never even dare to dream of. Backs were turned at me because I was simply a monster no one could understand or even attempt to. Whispers of praises and despises, which was which, I could not tell anymore.

I was fine, until you destroyed everything I believed in, but at the same time, you laid out a whole new world in front of me. If there were any regrets, it would be that I hadn't known you sooner. It all started on a Friday afternoon where everyone left early in their own cliques to places filled with blaring noises and absolute insanity. I stayed back to revise my next piece to be performed in the school's upcoming cultural festival. The whole school was quiet aside from the occasional whistling of the janitor as he wiped the hallway with his prided broom.

I placed my fingers on the pristine white keys and started making the first notes, and glided my soul along the rhythm. It was calming and disturbingly healing. I was in a world built by myself, all by myself. The only conversation was between me and the piano. Nothing could break me, break us.

"Losing the way here  
Even if it takes a long time  
Turning round and round as long as you find me again  
To you in a distant future."

Outside the door of the music classroom hummed the most beautiful voice I had ever heard. Like a budding flower, my whole being was suddenly brought alive, taken out of the world I crafted so carefully. I felt electrified, bewitched. My heart suddenly beat so fast I couldn't catch my breath anymore. The voice that kept following the sound of my piano was starting to choke me up. I had to abruptly stop my session and stood up, tipping the chair over by accident, creating a loud noise that shook the whole floor.

And I ran to the door that had been so carefully locked. The door that had protected me from the outside world. I ran as if my life depended on it, stumbling on my way. As I finally reached the entrance, I grabbed the knob and turned, and I met you.

My sun.

At that moment, I was willing to throw everything away and become your sunflower. Even if you could burn me up, blinding me, I would still look your way, trace your facial features, observe your expressions.

Loving you was my destiny.

My whole life was turned around. For better or worse, I didn't care anymore.

"Hi. Uhm, sorry for disturbing your session. I really love your song and I couldn't help but hum along. My name is Yoon Jeonghan by the way."

Silence.

The ticking of the clock was loud and clear. My time moved again.

"Sorry it must have been really abrupt. I-"

"Did you make the lyrics yourself?"

"Yes... Sorry if it's bad. To tell you the truth, I always stay back on Fridays to listen to your piano. Inspirations came to me..."

"Call me Jihoon. Meet me up on Monday afternoon. I would like to go over the song together."

I closed the door again and turned my back to the door, sliding down to sit on the floor and placed my hand on my heart, feeling a nonstop thumping.

Yoon Jeonghan must be very confused and put off by my rude response. He would walk away and would never return again. That's how it always turned out.

"I will, Lee Jihoon."

My last petal found its way to the sun.

If only I could be your sun as well, Yoon Jeonghan.

You were my sun. But I was not yours.

↮

『Like a bush that makes the rose stand out, I idly support you from the side and watch as you shine.』

✿✿✿

You might think I never noticed, but I always saw how detached you were.

You might think I never cared, but I always worried if you were able to find happiness.

You might think you would never be loved, but have you ever looked around you?

You're the rose that stood tall, proud and beautiful in the middle of the garden, and I was just your bush. Mediocre, common, forgettable.

I was always surrounded by people, yet, I felt so lonely. In fact, having to talk to them, to make an effort to please them and fit in only tired me out. I was emotionally exhausted and I hated myself for being so weak.

There was only one person I could be myself with. At the beginning of my second high school year, I met the love of my life. At first, he was just a new transferee that sparked everyone's curiosity, including mine.

He was gentle in his speech, never raising his voice more than he needed. He had a calming aura about him that drew everyone in. He was courteous to everyone. He didn't judge people, not even the me that stood out like a sore thumb with my awkwardly long hair, too long for a guy. He accepted me with open arms. People took a liking to him immediately. Almost as expected, many have fallen in love with him. They - I - couldn't escape his spell.

But if there was one thing I absolutely loathed about him, it was that he could not hate.

He was straight, but I was not.

I confessed to him by the end of our first semester at the school's backyard under a tree, as clichéd as it was. He nodded, let out a small "hmph", and smiled. He sublty rejected me, telling me he couldn't return his feelings, but he would always love me as a friend.

How I wish I could hate him.

But I couldn't, I only fell in love even more. And my hair grew longer again.

I told him everything about me. My self discovery, my past relationships, my family situation. He would always nod along and listen to me, giving me all his attention. I bared my whole soul to him. He saw through my everything.

And it terrified me.

At some point, I couldn't take it anymore. I declined his offer to walk home together and instead stayed back when everyone had left. I needed a world to myself, where I wasn't constantly being stared at. Where I could still my inner storm.

And that was when this bush met his rose.

Your piano was as lovely as you. Your sound was beautifully mesmerising. Each note carried a story of its own, unique from each other, and these stories came together to create a saga, a masterpiece. I couldn't stop listening. I came to learn and memorise your sound, trying to understand you.

But, like a rose, your thorns pricked my hand whenever I tried to reach out. You were the lone rose in the garden that everyone had their eyes upon. Beautiful but unattainable.

My hands were bleeding. The blood kept flowing, soaking up the soil, turning the world red. You were still there, in that same position, with that same shine. Just a little bit more, and I would reach you, even if both my hands were scarred beyond repair.

You were my inspiration. I wrote down on my old rusty piece of paper my first ever lyrics. On that fateful Friday, I came to the outside of your studio as usual, and I sang.

You finally opened your door.

From then on, we spent every afternoon together, working endlessly on your song. You told me it was our song, but it was wholly yours. I was only your supporter. The gaps in the song were gradually filled, and the school festival was nearing.

I may never be able to love you the way I loved him. But you would always be my most important person. The day I handed the pair of scissors to you to cut my hair, I had handed my soul to you. To destroy or treasure was your choice, I would support your decision either way. I wanted my rose to always stay beautiful, even if this bush got forgotten and wilted, crumbling to nothingness and becoming one with the soil.

I held your hand, took you upstage. I picked up my bass guitar and stood by the edge. You walked to the center of the stage, held the microphone and your very own guitar. You started singing your song, and I harmonised with you, matching my bass with your guitar. Together, we conquered our garden.

Jihoon, stay rosy.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing fanfic here, any feedbacks are welcome. This story is cross-posted on Carat Amino (Moon's Milk) and AFF (Dorosmy).


End file.
